Empowering young voices through Voice of the Child mediation service

What is Voice of the Child mediation?

Voice of the Child mediation is where a specially trained and qualified mediator directly writes to the children and invites them to speak on a private and confidential basis. This service recognises that children over a certain age (usually 10 and older, and occasionally as young as 7 or 8) should be given the opportunity to have a voice in matters that impact their lives. Participation is completely voluntary, ensuring it’s an opportunity, not an obligation. Children who choose to engage can speak freely with the mediator. At the end of the meeting, the mediator will confirm what each child would like the mediator to communicate to their parents on their behalf. The mediator then provides this feedback to the parents in their next mediation session, without the children present.

What are the benefits?

• It can be very beneficial for children to feel heard and understood by their parents, even if that does not necessarily translate into the outcome they requested. It isn’t always possible for parents to deliver what a child wants (e.g. for parents to reunite), but it is empowering for them to know that their wishes and feelings have been considered by their parents as part of the overall decision-making process.
• Parents often are guided by the wishes and feelings of their children and so voice of the child mediation can help parents to reach an agreement where previously this had not been possible.
• Another benefit is that children regularly come up with creative ideas and suggestions for arrangements that the parents would not have considered by themselves. This can help parents to achieve an agreement.
• Children can also be full of surprises – for example, if a child is reluctant to see the other parent, or stay overnight at that parents’ house, the reasons can be explored in voice of the child mediation and are not always what the parents expect. Sometimes there are easy fixes that make it possible for progress to be made.
• Children can be seen individually or as part of a sibling group. The process is flexible to meet their needs.

What do parents (and children) need to be aware of?

• Ultimately the parents are the decision makers and children may not get their wish list. However, if children are to be invited to take part in this process, parents should be prepared to listen to what their children have to say and consider their wishes and feelings when making those future decisions.
• Voice of the child mediation can only take place as part of a wider family mediation process. It is not a stand-alone piece of work. The mediator needs to have met with parents for at least one mediation session prior to contacting the children to ensure that the process is suitable for them. For example, the mediator must be satisfied that the parents are able to listen to their children, even if it means hearing something they do not want to hear.
• Feedback is given within a day or two of the voice of the child meeting to reduce the temptation for parents to quiz their child following their appointment with the mediator.
• Sometimes parents are concerned that the child may have been influenced by the other parent and that their stated wishes and feelings are not how they truly feel. This is quite rare and if undue influence has taken place, it is usually very obvious to the mediator. If the concern is very strong then it may be that Voice of the child mediation is not a suitable process for those parents as it would be difficult for the parent who has doubts to take on board what the child has said.

If you feel you may benefit from family mediation and potentially voice of the child mediation, then please contact our fully accredited Family and Voice of the Child Mediator Liz Morris on 01482 639637 or email: emorris@hamers.com